Let me take you to the summer of 2015, I felt like I was at the peak of my academic career. I had just graduated from my first degree and was about to start my Honours year. I was a little nervous, which I expected: I came out of the womb anxious. I remember hearing someone say Honours will either make or break you. I laughed it off saying “it will be fine” and it was fine… until it wasn’t. Approximately three-months into my Honours degree I started to notice myself changing. It got to the point where I was completely erratic. One minute I would be feeling like I was on top of the world, the next I would plummet. More often than not I felt unbearably low, to the point where I couldn’t function. Day-to-day tasks seemed impossible – just getting out of bed and brushing my teeth overwhelmed me.
Honours became insufferable, I had deadlines I had to meet and supervisors who had high expectations of me. One in particular made it clear I needed to pick up my game, because the work I produced influenced how they are seen: if I look bad, they look bad (I can now see how unprofessional that was, but I didn’t at the time). During this time, I remember feeling like I could hardly breathe – like there was a constant weight pushing down on me. At this point I was in survival mode, I felt like people in both my academic and personal life had high exceptions of me and I wasn’t meeting them. Around June, I reached my breaking point when I had to present my Honours research. I got a lot of good feedback, but I also got some bad – and that’s what stuck with me. That same day I withdrew from the program. It was an incredibly hard decision, I felt like I failed. I had expectations of myself and I had not met them. I felt lost.
Finally, I decided to seek help from a professional. According to the Black Dog Institute, One in five Australians aged 16-85 suffer from mental health issues. It turns out that I was suffering from Bipolar Disorder (BPD) – specifically Bipolar II – which impacts about 5% of Australians. I didn’t know much about this illness at first, but I remember feeling such relief when I was told I wouldn’t always feel so awful, and with treatment I could live a relative “normal” happy life. I have since read a lot about Bipolar, on reflection my choices, my behaviour, my thoughts: it made sense. People with Bipolar often experience manic episodes of extreme highs or depressive episodes of extreme lows; it is a lifelong illness.
Tino F 2020, Bipolar Disorder.I have learnt that with the right treatment plan, people with Bipolar can live a happy and fulfilling life. For me that plan is multi-faceted: medication, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Narrative Therapy. A lot of the time people with BPD also suffer from other health issues (co-morbidities), such as anxiety, depression, and/or autoimmune diseases. For example: I also suffer from anxiety and have an autoimmune disease Hashimoto’s disease (a thyroid condition). Michael White (1948 – 2008) was responsible for developing key concepts surrounding narrative practice (a term replacing narrative therapy), a method that psychologist often use, and one I have experienced first-hand. It is defined as:
“…a respectful, non-blaming approach to counselling and community work, which centres people as the experts in their own lives. It views problems as separate from people and assumes people have many skills, competencies, beliefs, values, commitments and abilities that will assist them to reduce the influence of problems in their lives.” (Morgan 2000: 2)
White’s concept of externalising problems (first developed with David Epston) acknowledged that a problem is distinct from the person (White and Epston 1990, pp. vii – viii); often termed as “the person is not the problem the problem is the problem” (Rossi 2008: 8). The idea is to separate oneself (the individual) from the problem (the issue), this allow a person to externalise themselves from issues rather than internalising them (Ackerman 2020). However, when you are consumed by an illness it can feel impossible to do so. Frank (1995) explores this with his concept of narrative chaos. Some individuals can feel defeated by life and overwhelmed when attempting to share their experiences with others. You shouldn’t try to fix the chaos, rather stay in the room and not be destroyed by it. In a sense, reflect to understand (Frank 2005 p. 86). It is an often-unspoken narrative, due to the person being consumed by the intensity of their illness (Kamen 2018). This is extremely relevant to narrative theory for those with BPD:
“Stories have to repair the damage that illness has done to the ill person’s sense of where she is in life, and where she may be going. Stories are a way of redrawing maps and finding new destinations.” (Frank 1995: 53)
It is important to talk about your illness – externalising it – you are not the illness, rather it is just a piece of your narrative puzzle to be shared. The chaos may reign for a time, but this is part of the narrative process..
It is important to understand personal narrative and how it shapes us, both personally and professionally. These methods, used to interpret and tell our own narrative, enables us to take control of our stories/lives. White’s approach to narrative therapy allows for dignity, understanding and personal reflection. Although it can be confronting and overwhelming, unpacking and reflecting on an experience will develop your personal growth and self-awareness. My experience with mental health has significantly shaped my personal values, influencing how I view the world. This has in-turn influenced the development of my professional values, as they cannot be uncoupled from my personal values. I have come to learn that I thrive with structure and routine. This has enabled me to become more focused and disciplined. I’m motivated to grow and learn, as this is vital to not only my professional success, but my personal well-being.
Reference List:
Ackerman, C. E 2020, 19 Narrative Therapy Techniques, Interventions and Worksheets, viewed 30th August 2020 <https://positivepsychology.com/narrative-therapy/>
Frank, A. W 1995, The Wounded Storyteller, University of Chicago Press, Chicago.
Frank, A.W, 2005 Illness and Narrative, Lecture / Symposium at Ritsumeikan University September 4, 2005, viewed 25th August 2020 <https://www.ritsumeihuman.com/hsrc/resource/01/pdf/01_80.pdf>
Kamen T 2018, The Chaos of Illness: When Life Doesn’t “Get Better”, Toronto Scarborough, viewed 30th August 2020 <https://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/projects/torontostorieshealth/2018/02/14/the-chaos-of-illness/>
Morgan, A 2000, What is Narrative Therapy?, Dulwich Centre Publication, Adelaide, Australia.
Rossi, F., 2008, A Tribute to Michael White, Gestalt Journal of Australia and New Zealand, vol. 4, no. 2, pp. 8 – 9.
White, M., and Epston. D., 1990, ‘Narrative means to therapeutic ends’ W.W. Norton & Company, London and New York.
Image Reference List:
Trujillo, F 2003, Head, charcoal pencil, pastels, colored pencils and acrylic on paper, Flickr, viewed 01 Setember 2020, https://www.flickr.com/photos/truxxx/4722970353/in/faves-josiasscharf/ .
Tino, F 2020, Bipolar Disorder, Pinup Art, Pintrest, viewed 01 September 2020, https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/392446555013831045/.
Carah Charmaine 